United States of England

This was too funny not to share on the blog:

Britain is Repossessing the U.S.A.

A Message from John Cleese

To the citizens of the United States of America: In light of your failure to nominate competent candidates for President of the USA and thus to govern yourselves, we hereby give notice of the revocation of your independence, effective immediately. Her Sovereign Majesty Queen Elizabeth II will resume monarchical duties over all states, commonwealths, and territories (except Kansas, which she does not fancy). Your new prime minister, Gordon Brown, will appoint a governor for America without the need for further elections. Congress and the Senate will be disbanded. A questionnaire may be circulated next year to determine whether any of you noticed. To aid in the transition to a British Crown Dependency, the following rules are introduced with immediate effect: You should look up "revocation" in the Oxford English Dictionary.

1. Then look up aluminium, and check the pronunciation guide. You will be amazed at just how wrongly you have been pronouncing it.

2. The letter 'U' will be reinstated in words such as 'favour' and 'neighbour.' Likewise, you will learn to spell 'doughnut' without skipping half the letters, and the suffix -ize will be replaced by the suffix -ise.Generally, you will be expected to raise your vocabulary to acceptable levels. (look up 'vocabulary').

3. Using the same twenty-seven words interspersed with filler noises such as "like" and "you know" is an unacceptable and inefficient form of communication.There is no such thing as US English. We will let Microsoft know on your behalf. The Microsoft spell-checker will be adjusted to take account of the reinstated letter 'u' and the elimination of -ize. You will relearn your original national anthem, God Save The Queen.

4. July 4th will no longer be celebrated as a holiday.

5. You will learn to resolve personal issues without using guns, lawyers, or therapists. The fact that you need so many lawyers and therapists shows that you're not adult enough to be independent. Guns should only be handled by adults. If you're not adult enough to sort things out without suing someone or speaking to a therapist then you're not grown up enough to handle a gun.

6. Therefore, you will no longer be allowed to own or carry anything more dangerous than a vegetable peeler. A permit will be required if you wish to carry a vegetable peeler in public.

7. All American cars are hereby banned. They are crap and this is for your own good. When we show you German cars, you will understand what we mean.

8. All intersections will be replaced with roundabouts, and you will start driving on the left with immediate effect. At the same time, you will go metric with immediate effect and without the benefit of conversion tables. Both roundabouts and metrication will help you understand the British sense of humour.

9. The Former USA will adopt UK prices on petrol (which you have been calling gasoline) - roughly $6/US gallon. Get used to it.

10. You will learn to make real chips. Those things you call French fries are not real chips, and those things you insist on calling potato chips are properly called crisps. Real chips are thick cut, fried in animal fat, and dressed not with catsup but with vinegar.

11. The cold tasteless stuff you insist on calling beer is not actually beer at all. Henceforth, only proper British Bitter will be referred to as beer, and European brews of known and accepted provenance will be referred to as Lager. South African beer is also acceptable as they are pound for pound the greatest sporting Nation on earth and it can only be due to the beer. They are also part of British Commonwealth - see what it did for them.

12. Hollywood will be required occasionally to cast English actors as good guys. Hollywood will also be required to cast English actors to play English characters.Watching Andie McDowell attempt English dialogue in Four Weddings and a Funeral was an experience akin to having one's ears removed with a cheese grater.

13. You will cease playing American football. There is only one kind of proper football; you call it soccer. Those of you brave enough will, in time, be allowed to play rugby (which has some similarities to American football, but does not involve stopping for a rest every twenty seconds or wearing full kevlar body armour like a bunch of nancies). Don't try Rugby - the South Africans and Kiwis will thrash you, like they regularly thrash us.

14. Further, you will stop playing baseball. It is not reasonable to host an event called the World Series for a game which is not played outside of America. Since only 2.1% of you are aware that there is a world beyond your borders, your error is understandable. You will learn cricket, and we will let you face the South Africans first to take the sting out of their deliveries.

15. You must tell us who killed JFK. It's been driving us mad.

16. An internal revenue agent (i.e. tax collector) from Her Majesty's Government will be with you shortly to ensure the acquisition of all monies due (backdated to 1776).

17. Daily Tea Time begins promptly at 4 pm with proper cups, never mugs, with high quality biscuits (cookies) and cakes; strawberries in season.God save the Queen. Only He can.

John Cleese

Idol

How great was it to hear Neil Diamond songs on Ameican Idol tonight?

I LOVE "Sweet Caroline"!!!!

Chicken WHAT??

I was bringing the kids home from school on Friday when the neighbor boy said, "I'm going to ask my dad to take me to Subway this weekend. I really want that CHICKEN MARIJUANA sandwich."

WHAT???

He meant CHICKEN PARMIGIANA.

It's the little things that make me happy!

The Pioneer Princess

Here is our Pioneer Princess, before her Wagons Ho Musical solo.

Skirt and shirt, compliments of Good Will. Boots, compliments of a good friend.

Making her parents proud: PRICELESS!

SNOW

It's snowing. Been snowing off and on all day. And cold. What's the date today? Oh yeah, April 20. Not a lot of accumulation, unlike other parts of the state that got more than an inch. And we need the moisture so...

FOXY!

I spotted a red fox running across the prairie behind our house this morning. We're still waiting for the antelope to return from where ever they've been this winter.

Caribbean Cruise Anyone?

STRESS TEST

I am not sure exactly how this works, but this is amazingly accurate. The picture below has 2 identical dolphins in it. It was used in a case study on stress levels at the Mayo Clinic and later at Fletcher Medical Center in Burlington Look at both dolphins jumping out of the water. The dolphins are identical. A closely monitored, scientific study revealed that , in spite of the fact that the dolphins are identical, a person under stress will find many differences between the two dolphins . The more differences a person finds, the more stress that person is experiencing. Look at the photograph and if you find more than one or two differences you may need to take a vacation.

Have a GREAT, STREE-FREE DAY!!!

River Fun

Visiting our cousins this weekend brought lots of cool experiences like riding horses, dirt bikes, and a bonfire down by the river!!! The weather really cooperated too! Here are some photos.

The princess is being lead because the horse likes to buck sometimes--she's old!















Get your motor runnin'! (The camper in the background is where the king and kids stayed!)















Cousins--and some fierce wind! Sitting on ye ol' hitchin' post!

Mop Head

The prince got a much-needed haircut Saturday. He was ready and willing because he hated the way it was flopping around during track practice. PHEW!! No parental pressure there, so check it out!

BEFORE!

AFTER!

Watch My Man

I'm not sure if this will work or not, but this link MIGHT take you to a clip of  my man, singing his swan song on Idol Monday night.  Hope it works!

http://www.americanidol.com/videos/?vid=1116

In Mourning

I'm in mourning. My man, Michael, was voted off American Idol last night. I might just have to go into hiding too. (Seems like the right thing to do.) On the other hand, the king, prince, and princess are off to visit the royal aunt and cousins in a land far, far away for the weekend, which means that, as of about 10am on Saturday, I am HOME ALONE for well over 24 hours. I think I'm coming out of my grief already!!!

Check it out!

Thursday Chance of Snow	Friday Partly Cloudy	Saturday Partly Cloudy	Sunday Clear	Monday Clear
50° | 29°	54° | 34°	65° | 38°	70° | 43°	76° | 45°

Check out our cool forecast! Pay close attention to SUNDAY and MONDAY! We have been FOREVER in the 40's and sometimes peak at the 50's so we're really looking forward to this. Of course, this time next week you'll be listening to my complain about how warm my lab is (I'm running the air right now, and it's only 48* outside as I write this, but still...I'm focused on spring!!!

Ouch, ohhhh, ouch, owwwwww!

The prince went to his first track practice last night. Several laps around the track, many sprints, and lots of lunges later he was one hurtin' unit when he got home!!! I gave him so Advil and some dinner. His dad then suggested they take a walk. WALK???? He didn't think that would help but decided it was easier than waiting for the jacuzzi tub to fill, so off they went. What do you know? The old man was right. The prince could walk up the steps without the pain AFTER the walk. More practice tonight. We'll see how he's feeling...

Circus Anyone?

The king, prince, princess and royal aunt attended the Shrine Circus this weekend. As you can see, a good time was had by all.
















Last year the royal aunt rode the elephant with the kids. This year it was the king's turn on a pachyderm!















The royal aunt and prince, doing the "self-portrait" thing.
















The princess, "clowning" around.

How Amazing

This is an albino peacock. Pretty amazing, huh?

No FOOLIN' Happy Birthday to my SISTY!

It's not an April Fool's Day joke. My little sister is celebrating her birthday today. Looking good, sistah!