Survivor--Man Vs. Mom

THE NEXT SURVIVOR SERIES

Six married men will be dropped on an island with one car and 3 kids each for six weeks.

Each kid will play two sports and either take music or dance classes.

There is no fast food.

Each man musttake care of his 3 kids; keep his assigned house clean, correct all homework, and complete science projects, cook, do laundry, and pay a list of 'pretend' bills with not enough money.

In addition, each man will have to budget in money for groceries each week.

Each man must remember the birthdays of all their friends and relatives, and send cards out
on time--no emailing.

Each man must also take each child to a doctor's appointment, a dentist appointment and a haircut appointment.

He must make one unscheduled and inconvenient visit per child to the Urgent Care.

He must also make cookies or cupcakes for a social function.

Each man will be responsible for decorating his own assigned house, planting flowers outside
and keeping it presentable at all times.

The men will only have access to television when the kids are asleep and all chores are done.

The men must shave their legs, wear makeup daily, adorn himself with jewelry, wear uncomfortable yet stylish shoes, keep fingernails polished and eyebrows groomed.

During one of the six weeks, the men will have to endure severe abdominal cramps, back aches,
and have extreme, unexplained mood swings but never once complain or slow down from other duties.

They must attend weekly school meetings, and find time at least once to spend the afternoon
at the park or a similar setting.

They will need to read a book to the kids each night and in the morning, feed them, dress them,
brush their teeth and comb their hair by 7:00 am.

A test will be given at the end of the six weeks, and each father will be required to know all of the following information:
each child's birthday,
height, weight,
shoe size, clothes size
and doctor's name.
Also the child's weight at birth,
length, time of birth,
and length of labor,
each child's favorite color,
middle name,
favorite snack,
favorite song,
favorite drink,
favorite toy,
biggest fear and
what they want to be when they grow up.

The kids vote them off the island based on performance. The last man wins only if... he still has enough energy to be intimate with his spouse at a moment's notice.

If the last man does win, he can play the game over and over and over again for the next 18-25 years eventually earning the right to be called Mother!

Uh-Oh

The prince has been paired up with a second grader in a "book buddy" program. Together they will write and illustrate a book and then read it to the entire second grade. The prince's teacher, recognizing the prince's kindness and giving spirit, paired the prince up with an autistic boy. When I asked the prince how that was going, the prince said, "I don't really see the autism. He's very smart and corrects my spelling all the time." Uh-oh. Maybe the medical diagnosis is on the wrong boy!

Time Flies!

Cousins, cousins everywhere. We were lucky to have maternal and paternal cousins visit us at the same time once back in 2004. Look how cute and LITTLE they all were! The oldest in this photo is now a freshman in high school. The youngest has an even younger brother now. And the rest of them are all in the preteen/early teen stage! TIME FLIES!!! And I miss those babies...

Don Marco Artwork

Are you familiar with Don Marco. He's an aritist who deals strictly in crayons. This picture of John Wayne is done ONLY in crayons! Google him to see more.

Happy Birthday Grandma!

Good Luck, Princess

Our cutie-patootie niece has to have surgery tomorrow. Wishing her a speeding recovery!

"Americanism"

The prince had to write either a poem or 2 paragraphs on what it means to be an American. He opted for the paragraphs. Here is his work:

Americanism

What does it means to be an American? To some it may be a baseball game on the 4th of July with a hot dog in hand. To others it might be getting up in the morning to go to work. But to the couple 1,000 or so who immigrate to the U.S.A it could mean freedom and democracy. In other words, a better life.

The dictionary defines "American" as follows: American, adj. 1. of or having to do with the United States. If you have something to do with the United States you aren't necessarily an American. Are you? In my opinion, no. You need to go through all the right procedures. My point is that being an American is a privilege we shouldn't abuse. Unfortunately we do. Think of the people who fight to preserve your freedom. Just think for thirty seconds. So please don't abuse the power. Thank you and God bless America.

School Funnies...

I rarely get good "funnies" from the kids these days but today there were two!

1. I was helping a 4th grader, and she was trying to figure out what 36 divided by 4 was. I said, "If you don't know the division, what can I mulitply 4 by to get 36?" She thought for a minute and then she said, "I did know this, but then SUMMER came along!" She was soooooooooooooooooo cute! That darn summer!

2. I could hear 5th grade boys playing football during recess. One boy was not happy with the way the game was going, and I heard him yell, "Throw the ball, you dumb JOCK!" That struck me as funny!

Hope you had a laugh today!

Go Mustangs!

When the kids got ready for school the other day they were both wearing their cool Mustangs t-shirts Grandpa bought for them. It called for a photo!

It's that time again...

It's that time again...you know, when people start giving you fresh stuff from their gardens. Someone at work the other day (actually that awful science teacher) gave me a zucchini. I kid you not, it was the size of a new-born baby. So today I made my FAVORITE zucchini recipe and decided to share it with you. You should try it!

Coconut/Chocolate Chip Zucchini Bars

Preheat oven to 350*

In large bowl beat 3 eggs
Add 1.5 Cup sugar
1 Cup oil, and cream these three.

In medium bowl combine:
1 tsp salt
2 tsp baking soda
1/4 tsp baking powder
2.5 Cups flour

Add dry ingredients to large bowl alternating with 2 cups grated (shredded) zucchini.

Stir in 3 tsp vanilla
1/2 cup coconut
1/2-1 cup chocolate chips (more is always better when it comes to chocolate!)

Pour into jelly-roll pan (high sided cookie sheet) that has been greased and floured or sprayed with a cooking spray.

Cook times vary, depending on ovens, but start checking it at 15 minutes. It should be done in under 30 minutes.

YUM, YUM, YUM!!!

I hate the science teacher!!!

The science teacher had the princess and her class graph the ages of their mothers. I was the third OLDEST mom!! I hate that teacher! Worse yet, then she posted the graphs in the hall outside her room--which is next door to my room. Guess what I see every time I head down the hall!!!

Needs more cowbell...

Have you seen the Saturday Night Live skit with Will Farrel and Christopher Walken (I think) where the choice line is, "It needs more cowbell!" It's a rock band incorporating a cowbell into it's song. It's hilarious--one of my favorite skits of all time--and they even sell a t-shirt now with Will Farrel on the front with a cowbell and that line. Maybe I need one of those.

Anyway...in an example of Life imitating Art...

The prince comes home from 8th grade the other day and tells me that in choir they are singing "Lean on Me" (a classic), and that he'll be playing lead guitar (those guitar lessons are paying off), his BFF, Reed, will be playing bass, and Zach will be playing the drums for the song.

Cool.

Two days later he comes home to tell me that Theo (whose grandpa was my choir director in highschool--small world and all) will be playing the cowbell on that same song.

HUH????

Sure enough, they have Incorporated the cowbell into that song.

Now I ask you: does anything SCREAM "MIDDLE SCHOOL" more than a cowbell on "Lean On Me"????

Happy Birthday Bro!

Happy Birthday on Tuesday, Little Brother!

Happy Birthday

Happy Birthday, Cousin Ty! We sure wish you weren't suffering football injuries for your birthday. Get well soon!

A House Divided

The other day the prince had to print out some photos from the web to decorate his school folders. Among the things he printed was a button promoting McCain for President. A few days later the princess was cutting out photos from a magazine for a collage. She was very excited to come across some photos of Obama to put in her collage.

Ain't America Great??

Thanks Uncle Blake

When I was in high school, I saw my brother eat a waffle one day with peanut butter. I had never heard of such a thing. He told me they were delicious, and it turns out he was right. Now both the kids make them on a regular basis for breakfast! Thanks Uncle Blake!!

SMILE!

Here's our first day of school photo from last week!

Good times!

Last weekend the kids headed about 100 miles east for a small-town fair. There were rides, swimming, fishing, and a demolition derby. Many thanks to Mary Beth for making it possible and to her awesome parents for hosting. Thanks too to cool Aunt Steph and her friends for the fishing fun!


Here they both are on my most favorite ride EVER! I think the prince is hamming it up a bit!

First Day of School

In honor of the first day of school, I found this funny quote:

"Ever wonder if illiterate people get the full effect of alphabet soup?"

John Mendosa

Maxine's Funny

Since I have to work for 3 days before the kids start school, I've been leaving them a list of "chores" to do while I'm gone. I can't be sure, but I like to think it keeps the fighting down to a minimum. They do know that if they fight, they'll get even more chores assigned to them, so they've been pretty good. But I'm sure they are ready for school to start Thursday so they can be done with the dreaded "chore list" they wake up to every morning. I'm the best mom ever!!!

For what it's worth...

For what it's worth, I thought the opening ceremonies of the Olympics were AMAZING! We have watched here and there over the past 2 weeks. I loved everything about the redeem team, the U.S. men and women winning the 4x400 meter relay, and even watching the Australian, Mitchum, beat the two favored Chinese guys in diving. I got caught up in the Michael Phelps drama, along with everyone else, in part because I have clear memories of watching the Olympics the year Mark Spitz won his seven medals. So I was very excited for Phelps to beat Spitz' record and expect him to add to his collection in 4 years. HOWEVER, I was so disappointed in NBC's coverage of the medal ceremony when Phelps AND HIS TEAMMATES won the medley relay. Phelps wouldn't have won that 8th medal without those teammates, but during the playing of the national anthem, the ONLY team member they showed was Phelps. SHAME ON NBC!!!

Dance Star!

Announcing the newest member of the

Junior Dance Competition Team!!!

Rock On--oh, I mean--Dance On, Sister!!!!

Sarcastic

I've been accused of being sarcastic from time to time. Someone sent these to me. I can't take credit for them!

The Zen of Sarcasm

1. Do not walk ahead of me for I may not follow. Do not walk behind me for I may not lead. Do not walk beside me either. Just pretty much leave me alone.

2. Always remember that you're unique. Just like everyone else.

3. Before you criticize someone, you should walk a mile in their shoes. That way, when you criticize them, you're a mile away and you have their shoes.

4. If you lend someone $20 and never see that person again, it was probably a wise investment.

5. Everyone seems normal until you get to know them.

Yes, I saved the best for last!!!

Class of 2012

Every year the Beloit College puts out a "mindset" list for the incoming class. Here's the list for this year's college freshman:


1. Harry Potter could be a classmate, playing on their Quidditch team.
2. Since they were in diapers, karaoke machines have been annoying people at parties.
3. They have always been looking for Carmen Sandiego.
4. GPS satellite navigation systems have always been available.
5. Coke and Pepsi have always used recycled plastic bottles.
6. Shampoo and conditioner have always been available in the same bottle.
7. Gas stations have never fixed flats, but most serve cappuccino.
8. Their parents may have dropped them in shock when they heard George Bush announce "tax revenue increases."
9. Electronic filing of tax returns has always been an option.
10. Girls in head scarves have always been part of the school fashion scene.
11. All have had a relative — or known about a friend's relative - who died comfortably at home with hospice.
12. As a precursor to "whatever," they have recognized that some people "just don't get it."
13. Universal Studios has always offered an alternative to Mickey in Orlando.
14. Grandma has always had wheels on her walker.
15. Martha Stewart Living has always been setting the style.
16. Haagen-Dazs ice cream has always come in quarts.
17. Club Med resorts have always been places to take the whole family.
18. WWW has never stood for World Wide Wrestling.
19. Films have never been X rated, only NC-17.
20. The Warsaw Pact is as hazy for them as the League of Nations was for their parents.
21. Students have always been "Rocking the Vote."
22. Clarence Thomas has always sat on the Supreme Court.
23. Schools have always been concerned about multiculturalism.
24. We have always known that "All I Ever Really Needed to Know I Learned in Kindergarten."
25. There have always been gay rabbis.
26. Wayne Newton has never had a mustache.
27. College grads have always been able to Teach for America.
28. IBM has never made typewriters.
29. Roseanne Barr has never been invited to sing the National Anthem again.
30. McDonald's and Burger King have always used vegetable oil for cooking french fries.
31. They have never been able to color a tree using a raw umber Crayola.
32. There has always been Pearl Jam.
33. The Tonight Show has always been hosted by Jay Leno and started at 11:35 EST.
34. Pee-Wee has never been in his playhouse during the day.
35. They never tasted Benefit Cereal with psyllium.
36. They may have been given a Nintendo Game Boy to play with in the crib.
37. Authorities have always been building a wall across the Mexican border.
38. Lenin's name has never been on a major city in Russia.
39. Employers have always been able to do credit checks on employees.
40. Balsamic vinegar has always been available in the U.S.
41. Macaulay Culkin has always been "Home Alone."
42. Their parents may have watched "The American Gladiators" on TV the day they were born.
43. Personal privacy has always been threatened.
44. Caller ID has always been available on phones.
45. Living wills have always been asked for at hospital check-ins.
46. The Green Bay Packers (almost) always had the same starting quarterback.
47. They never heard an attendant ask "Want me to check under the hood?"
48. Iced tea has always come in cans and bottles.
49. Soft drink refills have always been free.
50. They have never known life without Seinfeld references from a show about "nothing."
51. The Windows 3.0 operating system made IBM PCs user-friendly the year they were born.
52. Moscow residents have always been able to buy Big Macs.
53. The Royal New Zealand Navy has never been permitted a daily ration of rum.
54. The Hubble Space Telescope has always been eavesdropping on the heavens.
55. 98.6 F or otherwise has always been confirmed in the ear.
56. Michael Milken has always been a philanthropist promoting prostate cancer research.
57. Offshore oil drilling in the United States has always been prohibited.
58. Radio stations have never been required to present both sides of public issues.
59. There have always been charter schools.
60. Students always had Goosebumps.

Dance, Dance, Dance

The princess danced at the fair this week. Her usual group of about 9 girls was only 2 for the first performance on Friday and 3 for the second performance on Saturday. Here are a couple of photos of the Friday performance. They did great!
On the Saturday performance, the princess was asked to fill in for another dancer on a dance she had never done so she did this dance for the first and only time, wearing someone else's costume. And, as is her style, she was great!

Fun with Grandma and Grandpa

Grandma and Grandpa came to visit. Good times!

Like Father-in-Law; Like Son-in-Law

They aren't blood-relatives, but you'd never know it the way they dressed alike for the ballgame. Yellow shirts, red hats, and lots and lots of beer.

In fact, they liked the beer so much that they had to get matching BEER GOGGLES!!
Here are two of the biggest KIDS you'll ever meet!

Happy Anniversary

The royal brother and sister-in-law came to visit Wednesday. They left yesterday--their anniversary. They eloped to Vegas many years ago. As we were discussing it last night, I asked the king,

"Why didn't we attend?" He reminded me that we were young and broke back then! I think we should all plan on renewing our vows together sometime--in Vegas. I love Las Vegas!

A knight's tale...or is it a donkey's tail????

Once upon a time, in a land far, far away. Really, you couldn't wish this land any farther away. There was a king and a knight. But the knight didn't start out as a knight. No...he was originally the court jester. And he kept the king and the royal family in stitches! What was truly amazing was that even though the king and the jester were brothers-in-law, they looked surprisingly like brothers. People in the kingdom started to whisper that perhaps the queen and her sister had, in fact, married brothers. Perhaps that was how the court jester had managed to become a knight when everyone knew that jesters were never knight material.

Finally the brothers, um...I mean, the king and the jester decided to stage a royal--HAIR RAISING--battle. Surely their separate male pattern baldness heads--kind of like fingerprints--would prove to the kingdom that they were NOT brothers in blood but only by marriage. So Princess Shelley got out the royal clippers and went to work, sheering these donkeys--I mean men.



Alas, it was true. Upon closer inspection, one was definitely a much bigger FATHEAD than the other. And the jester, who had been claiming all along that he had more hair than the king, did appear to have a little more fuzz on top, although king thinks it might have been his tan!




The king had no choice but to knight the court jester, since he had won the DUEL OF THE HAIRLESS fair and square and knighted the court jester in a special knighting ceremony held only on rare occasions when in-laws become brothers. BALDY BROTHERS, that is!





Oh yes, and they lived happily ever after!

More Cousins

Here are the "other" cousins, back when they were here for a visit! What a bunch of knuckleheads!